Plus-Sized Pin Up

I got a text this morning from my older brother. He wanted me to check out the A&E show Hoarding. He said it was available to stream on Netflix. I watched the first episode and asked him the point. He felt it was extremely hilarious. It saddened me. I suffer from OCD, which is also an anxiety disorder. There is a sense of control when you're out buying things. Unfortunately, all control is lost in the home. It becomes a vicious cycle: buy to find control, house makes you feel out of control, buy to find control . . . It just goes on.

I admit that I have never been the cleanest person, but I thrive in a clean environment. After my house burned down when I was 11, I started hoarding just about everything. I would pick broken things up off of the ground, go scrounging for junk in the dirt hills behind our house, save huge old pickle containers. You name it, I saved it. However, when I started cleaning everything out to move into my husband's house, I realized how much junk I had. There wasn't necessarily an emotional attachment to things. I honestly couldn't figure out why I was hanging onto even half of the crap I had. I just felt as though I needed a change. I needed to start purging things from my life. It as time to let go.

It hasn't gone well. My husband is a classic hoarder. He won't accept it, but our garage would stand as witness. Over 95% of the junk in our garage are pointless things he insists on keeping. He claims that he forms an emotional attachment with anything that comes into his possession. This includes piece of broken junk on the ground. I cannot even begin to imagine how many pigeon feathers he has packed away. Our garage is a one-car and heated garage. He wants to eventually put his computers and servers out there. We want to make it into a pseudo-rumpas (sp) room. At the moment, we have to walk sideways through it and hope we don't knock anything over. He can't set up one of the spare bedrooms as a computer room, because he is hanging onto useless old computer parts. Even though he won't use these 20 year-old parts, "They are a part of" him.

My mother and father keep pestering me about when we sill start the adventure of cleaning out the garage. I don't know . . . I think I'm going to have to sit down; go through the boxes; one-at-a-time ask him whether it is kept, thrown, or given to charity; etc. His parents also feel that this is a good idea. I'm afraid that I'll have to be the bad guy and throw it away no matter what.

Sorry, I'm ranting.

My point: I am starting this change in my life to better my health. How can I come into this house that causes me stress and expect it to feel like a haven? I have a hard time sleeping in my bedroom, because of the mess. This has an impact on my health. Starting Monday morning, I am putting down my food and dealing with the things I can do. I have done this before and been successful. My husband wasn't really willing to help last time, so it shall be my mission. Like getting in the habit of going to the gym 2x/wk and getting cardio 5x/wk, I can make this a habit as well! And, hey, it will increase the amount of exercise I am getting! LoL ^_~

Well, I think that's just about covers it. I'm planning on returning to FlyLady. When I worked through her methods previously, they really helped. The question is whether I have the discipline to continue following it. Since Angel is coming on the 22nd, I really need to kick stuff into high gear. Hopefully, following the FlyLady steps, I'll be able to keep a handle on things. Plus, it will give me something to do instead of stressing and feeling depressed about the no-job situation. All I need to do is come up with an awesome cleaning playlist ^_^ I have no shortage of good music!

I just discovered Exercise TV on Video On Demand! Some of the exercise DVDs I looked at are on the channel for free! I enjoy pilates, but I want to mix it up a bit. Working through the Never Say Diet book has challenged me to get cardio 5 days/wk instead of 3. Tomorrow I'm getting my sweats on and working through one of programs. Yay!! I'm excited!

No exercise today. Last night my stomach was pretty upset and I was clutching the toilet for awhile I was finally able to make it to bed nursing a 7Up. Hubby had to bring me a pan in case I couldn't make it to the bathroom. I curled up on my side fearful that I wouldn't sleep. Exercise didn't seem like the smartest idea, so I told myself I would be lax today. After sleeping in until nearly noon, I go out of bed feeling a lot better. I'm not sure what caused it, but I'm happy it didn't stick around!

I made something called Cowboy Stew last night. It calls for some bacon, so, in order to make it healthier, I subbed turkey bacon. Thoughts: NEVER AGAIN! Since I don't eat bacon often (maybe once every 2mo), I say give me the damn pig! Oh my goodness, that stuff is nasty! My hubby talked me into trying it this afternoon (I refused to eat it with the mean - It was a garnish). I did. I ran into the family room to eat one of his wasabi almonds. It was the only thing strong enough to clear my palette. *shudder*

I'm heading back to the gym tomorrow. Time to finish a week of shredding the elliptical for 20min.

It is amazing how much home feels like home.

On Friday, Angel drove down of a visit. We went to the rec center for some swimming and water slide fun. After that, I got out my stage make-up and turned her into a zombie for the premier of Resident Evil: Afterlife.

The next morning, we left for Greeley and left Juneau at his house. We promptly ran over to Fort Collins as fast as we could, shoveled food down our throat, went to get Angel's tattoo (her appointment was 20min late), and waited for my colour. After finally getting her new ink and touch-up done, I was able to get into Diego's chair. I mentioned some weird bumpy parts of the tattoo, he looked over it and decided that it was still healing. No colouring. I go back in a week or two. It was sad since the trip was planned around it. *shrug* Either way, our traditional gelato-after-tattoo wasn't an option due to an October Fest in old town. But we did find an awesome, homemade ice cream place. We finally got our asses in gear and got back to my brother's house to check on Juneau. His roomie had let her out to be around his dogs. They are big German Shepherds, so I was afraid she would freak out. His youngest bitch was very, very patient and gentle with her. It was the best weekend she ever had! She was so happy! When we go home, she kind of collapsed. She didn't even get up when the front door was opened!!!!

Even though this was another bad weekends food wise, when I tightened my belt, it was on the lowest hole and felt as though it could go tighter without an issue!! When I got the belt, I couldn't have it that low without a lot of smooshing! Every time I check my weight, it has been maintaining and my measurements appear to be the same. I am taking this as a sign! Even after stuffing myself on a Denver omelet before church, eating more than I should at On The Border, and grabbing a chiller and the Human Bean, my belt still could have gone tighter with room too spare! Booya!

While visiting bro, he introduced my to Bullshit with Pen and Teller. It was awesome! He was watching it streaming from Netflicks. I'm going to have to get on a find how many episodes they have available online.

Needless to say, it is good to be home. I wish Angel could have gotten more days off, but I'm happy to have the house to myself. It is hard to really feel at home when entertaining company. If you read this, Angel, I still love you visiting me, and I still wish you could have stayed longer!!!

Hubby is in bed early this evening. Either from lack of sleep or a bug, he isn't feeling well. I'm hoping it's lack of sleep, because I don't want to catch anything!

I'm wasted. The though of going into the rec center for a workout tomorrow really makes me feel . . . ug! I cannot give myself an excuse to get out of it. If I even do that once, I will get back into the habit of not going. This is not an option. A hot bath and a little extra sleep should help me shake this off.

I couldn't be happier for the weekend to arrive. It might be the change in my workout, but I am totally exhausted. I'm sitting her practically holding my eyes open. I hate to do it, but I'm tempted to put Juneau up, take a bath w/ book, and take an afternoon-long nap.

Over the last two days, two of my bras broke -- yes, once a day. I'm not sure what happened. They both felt nice and sturdy, but . . . Last night when I leaned forward to grab something, the under wire just snapped! Now all I'm left with is a nice slut-red one! I like it, but it doesn't really work with everything. I'm trying to convince my hubby that we need to drive down to Denver tomorrow and get two more. At this point, he doesn't seem too keen on the idea. But I will not give up!

*blink* I think I need to wander off to my bed. I hate leaving Juneau in the crate so long. I'm tempted to trust her out by herself. If I stay out here, she won't have an issue. She might get upset if I go into the bedroom w/o her. Honestly, I don't want anymore dog-cat drama. *grumble* I am convinced that Dizzy doesn't have the sense God gave a rock!

Oh, on a side note, I did 10 straight min. on the elliptical this morning! I was even trying to work at a higher pace then normal. Yay me!!

I just read Kendra's post, and it made be start to lament the process of eventual weight loss (remember, I'm not trying to have a goal of overall weight loss). I don't want to miss my boobs! They are my one vanity -- aside from my kickin' calves!! Even though shopping for bras is an issue and I end up spending a lot, I still love them! Damn, I fill out a shirt well! Before way too much weight found itself on my body, I had to wear a size 22 just because of my babies :P

Yes, I am loath to admit, they are rather saggy-ish. But I figure that is due to their size. *shrug* I don't want them to end up looking deflated and saggy! *cry* I'm hoping I'm still young enough that the elasticity of my skin has not gone. Please, God, let me keep my rack intact!

Moment of Truth: I had Little Caesar's for dinner and a nice tall glass of wild cherry Pepsi. After yoga, I finished some leftovers from last night's dinner (I still have another 4 to fry up for lunch tomorrow). In addition, I also worked doing cleaning at my parents' house. It was a slip, but it's not happening all the time.

In Women, Food and God, Roth talks about eating what you want. But where is the balance? What if I am always craving Twix or Reese's Cups? It is not good to eat due to boredom, when you're not hungry, etc., but where is the line? *shrug* I'm still trying to figure this thing out . . .

Due to wake-up set backs, I didn't get out to the rec center this morning. I'm planning on pumping a kick-ass playlists tonight in anticipation of going tomorrow morning! I'll double check about the personal trainer. So pumped!!

Plan: Get up early enough to get the cats fed, take my hubby to work, and hit the rec center! Cardio room, here I come! LMAO, I should make sure to turn on out hot tub tonight with plans to soak away my stiffness. Ahhhhh, hooooot tuuuuub. Kind of like zombies and braiiiiiiiiins ^_~

*Pats back* Yup, this new template rocks!

Spending the evening -- up until 4:30am (ish) -- trying to figure out how to create a template on Gimp was a pain! I found this awesome program called Artisteer. I really love it, so I downloaded the trial version of it. Sooooo excited!!! **happy white girl dance** After spending hours hunting down backgrounds, images, and perfecting the whole layout, I go to save the file and it tells me it cannot save in the demo! Shit, I guess I can just upload it. Score! . . . Uh, no . . . Every single page is covered with "trial" on it!! Ack!

While I was sitting up reading and waiting for the cats to finish eating, I started mulling the program over in my head. "Meh, it might not be too expensive." This morning I looked at the price lists. Aaak, $50?!

Later this afternoon, after puppy kindergarten, I decided to break down and buy the program. Between my saved up allowance and some leftover money from the tax return provided enough money. Yay!! And I have some left over for books and the like (*ahem* sports bra)!! Yay!!

Most of this evening, I've been sitting around watching the 'tube and making the new layout!! Hey, I did yoga this morning, walked Juneau down to the mailbox trying "heel", and working through her class doing "heel" and other things, so I reason I burned a lot of calories today!

In the words of Po, this layout has "awesomeness and attractiveness of which there is no price."

In other news, I went by the rec center this afternoon. I wanted a tour of the facilities, because I haven't seen what they have for a long time. Unfortunately, they were closed due to summer maintenance. Next week they will be done and ready for a tour. We figured that with the reimbursement from hubby's employer would make our bill $14/mo! Depending on what the tour shows, I'm getting a year membership next week!!

Goals 8/1 - 8/7:

• Get my bike tires filled
• Start riding my bike again (start slow. 7mi is unreasonable!*)/get Juneau used to walking with a bike so she can join me later
  
• Walk Juneau down to the mail box everyday -- working on "heel"
• Walking with hubby and Juneau in the park Friday evening (I hope to make this more of a several-times-a-week occurrence)
• Try one of my other Pilates DVDs, and try the accelerated fat burning workout
• Find time for both yoga and DDR
• Figure out the rec center drama (I'm tempted just to get a membership and go by myself)
• Take some time for just me -- reading book, playing video games, etc.
  

*I used to ride by bike 7mi/day. I cannot do that anymore :(

The wind is blowing, and the sky has darkened. Thunderstorms are likely this afternoon. The weather has done a lot towards my inherent laziness. Something about rainstorms makes me want to hunker down at home. But something about this weather feels ominous.

This morning was not a breakfast morning. The water-with-milk-flavor kind of quieted any desires I may have had. However, after sweating and dragging my way through a 30min DDR adventure, I didn't feel hungry. I heard the harder you exercise, you lose your apatite. I don't know if it's true.

It's really coming down. Should I close the window? The breeze is lovely. We haven't had moving air in awhile.

While jumping through a round of DDR, I realized that I failed to take my weight . . . again. I'm not avoiding it! Honest! I just have the crappiest memory known to mankind :P

Aside from remembering my weigh-in, I don't know about weekly goals. I don't know what is reasonable to expect.

I dunno . . . I feel kind of "meh" today.

I want to get out an do something, but this town is pretty limited. I want to go to the rec center, but my buddy and I are still trying to work that one out. I need to be less lazy, but there isn't really anything to do around the house (some minor picking up, but nothing to get the heart pumping. Mostly sitting down work :P). I want to ride my bike, but it has a flat tire. The rain is keeping me to trying to venture to the gas station to fill up the tire. And, man, that lightning looked pretty formidable!

*sigh*

God just answered an un-prayer. I have been worrying about going to the gym and getting motivation to continue going. If my bff was in town, I would convince her to go to the rec centre with me. Well, I've been thinking a lot about this the past week and came to no conclusions.

This afternoon another friend of mind came to visit. She also wants to lose weight. I mentioned that I want to start heading to the rec centre. She said she would get a membership and start going with every MWF @ 5am! We might start next week, but it depends on funds at my end. I'm praying that God helps it happen after answering the un-prayer of mine :)

I feel pumped and energized!

Dogs are good for health and well being. Taking Juneau to puppy obedience classes really forces me to get off my ass and work. Since the class is learning "heel," we walk around half of a HUGE arena several times and different intervals. In class this evening, we tried to socialize our puppies. Juneau is a very excitable Huksy, so I needed to keep an eye on her and be down at her level. I got some good stretching done.

The old adage is right, "A tired puppy [Husky] is a happy puppy [Husky]." Siberians have a high energy level. I admit that my husband and I are not high energy or extremely active people -- please note that he is a bean pole U_U When we bought a house, I really wanted to get a dog. We were considering a Corgi for a long time, but we ended up falling in love with Juneau (then named Pepsi). We did a lot of research into the breed and decided to get her. A few of my husband's coworkers were horrified that we got a Husky and lectured us for not having an active lifestyle. What they refused to listen to was that was one of our driving reasons for getting Juneau: We wanted a more active lifestyle and having the puppy would help us get off of our asses. I love my 3 cats, but talk about LAZY!

This summer we have spent more time outside, going into the mountains for hiking, etc. Our class is encouraging us to work on "heel" in the park, so that gives us more exercise time. In addition, my husband is trying to teach her to pull. Being a Husky, that is her natural inclination. We hope to get her doing cani-cross and skyjoring soon. Since I love to ride my bike, I want her to learn bikejoring. When she is older and gets through obedience class, I want to get her started in agility. Talk about a workout!

In short, owning a dog goes a long way in getting motivated to exercise. Plus, it is a lot of fun spending time with a dog.

I was feeling lazy and didn't want to do yoga. But Juneau was outside and the cats were eating, so it was the perfect time. Parts of the poses kick my ass, but it is really rewarding. I know that it is about slow, controlled movements, but my muscle feel as though they have been worked pretty hard. I find it rather interesting that you're building muscle without the use of weights.

Exercise:
MWF - Pilates
TR - Yoga
weekend - rest/go hiking with my husband and Juneau (we're trying to teach her how to pull ^_~)

My yoga DVD rocks! It is called Just My Size Yoga. It is taught by a plus-size model who has studied yoga and changed some of the moves/poses to accommodate plus-sized girls.

I cannot start making weekly menus and adding in healthier food until the beginning of the month. This has been a pretty tight month, and I'm not sure how we're going to make it to the end T_T I guess that's what it means to buy a house and become an adult U_U