Plus-Sized Pin Up

I get up 3 days out of the week to head over to the gym and pound away on the machines. After that, I come home, let Juneau out, take a bath/shower, sometimes a nap, and pick hubby up from work. 2 days out of the week are spent doing pilates. After all of these activities, I sit at home reading, cruising the TV channels mindlessly, or rotting my brains away watching Netflix. I don't have a job. I don't have friends that live here anymore (or that want to hang out). My life is closed and boring. Granted, I could get off my ass and get a lot of cleaning done, but I don't have the motivation. I hate cleaning, and things have gotten to a point where my OCD is really acting up. I feel as though I can't get anything done.

When I step back and look at things, it is obvious I am depressed I don't want to get out of bed in the morning, because I see no point. It is easier to stay in bed and read my book than come out and deal with Juneau (she has to be dealt with on way or the other). I hate to admit it, but I don't shower as much as I ought to. All of my clothes are dirty, and I have nowhere to go. What's the point?

I've been keeping extremely consistent with exercising. I have not dropped the ball on that. But everything else has gone to shit. I haven't been eating well. Lunch is basically eat-out meal, because we have nothing in the 'fridge. I've made a few meals, but the leftovers don't last as long as I would like. On top of that, the money issue weighs heavily on both of us. Yet, we cannot stop getting ice cream almost every evening or grab cold/coffee drinks at Hastings most weekends. Arg! I want to feel bad about slipping, but I don't. For goodness sake, I haven't lost anything! And I've been doing this for over a month! I tell myself that I am gaining muscle mass; therefore, I'm not losing anything pounds. Even though I have wanted to focus on overall health, I still feel discouraged getting on the scale. It feels as though I have been trying to change my lifestyle for nothing. I've been tempted to go into the doctor for a prescription to diet pills. She mentioned them at our last visit. But, for some reason, that doesn't feel right in my head.

I've been rejected from 4 jobs so far. It makes me feel pretty low. Looming in front of me is the ever present truth that I might have to cave and work at Wal*Mart. *sigh*

. . . I think it would be a good idea to make an appointment with my counselor . . . But I feel down in the dumps and wonder whether she can really help this issues and find coping mechanisms.

*sigh* Choice of the morning, read or keep sucking my brain out with Netflix?